Waiting

Our phone rang yesterday and upon answering we heard, "Congratulations you guys!!  Your paperwork has been approved and you are officially listed with Bulgaria!"  We now have a number, which really only means that we are in the system.  It's not a number like you might hear at the Secretary of State, "Now serving #42, who's next please?".  It's our identifying number for Bulgaria.  But for us, it means we are one step closer to our family.  Although we have been told the wait could be up to 24 months, we could literally get a call any day with a referral for us to consider.  Then there will be more numbers to consider...will we get a referral for 1, 2, or 3 children?  how old are they?  how many days before we travel?  how many hours on a plane?  how many hours in country before we meet them?  how many days before we travel again to bring them home?  How long Oh Lord?  For so long we have been crying out for these children, always knowing that He knows who they are and when we will meet them.  After so much heartache, I have barely dared to dream anymore of what our family will be.  It is easier to move through the days not thinking such tender thoughts.  And although I have always known I would someday be a mom and John would be someone's amazing daddy, I think I gently tucked the daydreaming part of me away so it wouldn't get damaged again and again.  Well Someday finally feels like it's getting closer, so maybe, just maybe, I can find the me I tucked away and begin to dream again.